Wednesday, September 25, 2013

If I Were To Be Honest

If I were to be honest with you
I don’t know what I’m doing
My prayer is non- existent
I do what I hate, suppress what I love
I’m one person to some people
Different to others
And this is involuntary
Though I’m sure I’m guilty
In some way

Even If I were to tell you I did
Know what I was doing
That I had a plan
If I was put together
I wouldn’t know if it was right
If it was what I was meant to do
Or if there even is something
I was meant to do
Like there was
Some sort of fate
Guiding us
But you can’t see it,
If there is fate.

What do I sacrifice my life to?
What do I decide
To get lost
In the everyday of
And be able to say
I’m satisfied in this.

There is nothing to life
But the living of it
Which is a sobering thought
But a freeing one, none the less
Because then you know
To experience
However much you can
Be it good and pure, fulfilling
I guess

But by god
At least choose and live
The great charter

Of mankind.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Letter Gifts

“Are we doing letter gifts this year?”
            It’s December and a bit late in the season to be going out to buy more presents. If we remember, than we remember, If we don’t, we don’t.
“Of course!” My mom exclaimed. She enjoys family traditions the most.
My sister, Heidi, went to work. She is the practical one.
Heidi grabbed paper, pencil, scissors, and two hats. She wrote the alphabet on the paper. She cut out each individual letter, and sprinkled them into the hat. She wrote down the names of everyone in the immediate family; Jess, Joe, Mom, Dad, and Heidi. She cut these out also, and then sprinkled them in hat number two.
She danced around the house, “Pick your names! Pick your names!” Mom was in the kitchen, mulling over a cookie recipe. Dad was in the living room watching a show on his laptop. I sat on the couch reading a book. Jess was on her laptop also, doing “college stuff.”
We all picked our names as Heidi came up to us. Jess and I rolled our eyes at each other as Heidi hopped from one person to another, overly excited.
“Now pick your letters!” Heidi pronounced, grabbing the other hat and giving the letters one last mix.
We picked our letters. My person was Dad, and my letters were “S” and “T.” I had to make sure nobody knew who I had. Jess always found out somehow. I had to make sure this year she didn’t. I put the letters in my wallet so I would remember which ones I picked.
Throughout the next couple of weeks everyone shopped presents. The presents had to start with the letters they picked. It’s hard to maneuver when and where to go shopping, especially when I can’t drive yet. I can’t go with my dad, for obvious reasons, and I don’t want Jess to know either, because she always finds out somehow. That leaves my mom and Heidi. Heidi can’t keep a secret. I end up telling my mom. She won’t tell anyone.
I say, “Can you take me to the mall? I need to shop for my letter present.”
“Sure, Sure. Who do you have? I won’t tell.”
“Why do you want to know?”
“I just want to help.”
“Okay fine, but don’t tell anyone. I have dad, and my letters are ‘S’ and ‘T.’ What should I get him?”
“Oh don’t worry I won’t, and I don’t know that’s a tough one. We’ll figure something out.”
Christmas Eve comes fast. My Grandma comes over and the smell of welsh cookies on the skillet fills the air. The fire is going in the fire place. My dad is putting the finishing touches on the Christmas tree. My two sisters and I are sitting on the couch ready to open our letter presents.
“Are you guys ready yet?” One of us yells out every couple of minutes. We are growing impatient. Our letter presents we open tonight, and tomorrow we open the rest. It helps to curb the excitement for the Christmas morning presents. We sleep a lot better this way.
The adults filter in one at a time and give us our presents, but we don’t open them yet. Jess guesses who we all had to buy presents for. We reveal that she was right one by one. Then my mom says to go ahead and open them, and we do. We all tell each other what letters we had, and the presents are goofy because they had to start with letters like “X” and “Q.” It’s all so much fun.
We sit on the couch into the late hours of the night watching Christmas movies and eating fudge and welsh cookies. Then we all fall asleep when our fatigue overcomes our anxiousness for Christmas.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Car Story

The various outcomes a human life can have amazes me. I think of it as funny. Not really a funny like “ha-ha that’s funny” but funny as in peculiar. A decision to go to the grocery store on a Tuesday instead of on a Wednesday can effect whether or not you become an ambassador or a garbage man. A second pause will mean you pass different people on the road, whether or not you run into an old friend, or, also, whether it is the day you die or not.
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I was pulling out of the bank with my mom in the passenger seat. I had just gotten my permit and driving was still exciting. The old Volvo wasn’t a fast or classy car, but it was a tank. My parents bought it because it was so safe.
“Put your seat belt on, Joe!” my mom exclaimed as she noticed I was driving away from the bank unfastened. I buckled it reluctantly. We were stopped at busy four-way. I was on my way to a movie store across the intersection. I watched as the light turned from red to green, and then proceeded.
What happened next was sort of a blur. I remember looking left, a white light, or was it a green blur? The scene was in slow motion, but also a split second. The blur bore down on me. There was nothing I could do, so it consumed me.
The car was totaled. No one was hurt. I remember after the crash pretty well. We were hit on the driver’s side, where I was. I was sitting there, a rush of adrenaline pulsing through my veins. My mom’s arm was pressed up against my chest. 
“Are you alright? Joe! Are you all right?” My mom said.
“Yeah, yeah… I’m fine! Are you okay?” I replied.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
I tried opening my door but it wouldn’t budge, being completely smashed in. I ended up crawling out the passenger side door. The car, we saw, was leaking fluid so we walked away fast. A man stopped his car to help the lady that crashed into us out of her car. She seemed pretty shaken up and a little pissed. She was older, probably in her seventies. She thought the light was green when she went through. Her daughter just bought the car. 
There were no injuries, except my sore neck and my mom’s bruised arm. 
Later on our way home when my dad picked us up, my mom thoughtfully said, “This will be part of your story someday, Joe.”

“Your right,” I said.