Winter

I stop and stare
Breathe in the sharp glass air
Pale face, warm lips
The wind hits

Trees bending with weight
Cracking and popping in hate
Pins in my toes and fingers
The mist of my exhale lingers

It's Not For Nothing

I once knew a guy. He was just a friend's friend. But he had an incredible story. I met him only twice, but he was the friendliest guy you would ever meet. I shook hands with him, and you could see his smile as he said "whats up mah brother" and cracked a smart remark to ease the awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time. He had an effect that made you feel like you knew him for a long time. Once he left, naturally curious, I asked my friend about him. "He lived on the streets for a very long time, homeless. He has some kind of past, I'm not sure. Might of had an abusive father. He somehow got on his feet, and started a flagging business, of all things."
"Whats that?" I asked.
"Its people that signal for construction on highways, roads and the sort. Anyways it really took off and now he does really well. He employs mostly people that were homeless, trains them, and gives them a chance at a job."
I thought that it was a very inspiring story. A few months later I asked my friend about him, and learned he was dead. "Why? How?" were my immediate questions. "He attempted suicide a couple of times, and one time it worked."
I was taken back. Someone that was so happy, so full of life, and overcame so much. I couldn't believe it.

Sometimes I wonder why we're all here. Why does God not just bag the whole thing and start over. He doesn't have to send anyone to heaven or hell, just have us cease to exist, like animals or something. But then I realize that its not for me to decide. Is the story God's writing really worth all the pain and heartbreak? But He tells me there is a purpose. One day this will all resolve. And how the world should end is not up to me, and I'm glad its not. The only thing I have to decide is to be a part of that story or not. When the sun rises, and I stand on the shores of eternity, I will finally fully understand the answer to the ultimate question.Why?

Thoughts on Love

I was listening to the Sigh No More Mumford and Sons album today and the song Awake My Soul came on. This is by no means the first time I heard this song. Its one of my favorites, and never seems to get old. One of lines of the lyrics always catches me. The line is "The way you invest you love you invest your life." When I first heard this it hit me in a moment of clarity. It seemed so simple. Whatever I choose to love, and whatever I choose to pursue, will be my legacy when I leave this earth. If I choose to love myself, and please myself, that will become what my life revolves around, and is defined by. If I love others, my neighbors and brothers, that is what my life will be invested in. I try to ask myself this question routinely, so I'm not getting off track to where God wants me to invest my life. Am I investing in things that will make a difference? Or am I investing in a Playstation? Am I investing in the God's church? or am investing in movie tickets? I encourage you to chew this question over for yourself, and ask what you want your life to mean.

Most of Humanity Has No Hope

I recently had a conversation with a friend. It was night time and I was driving through town to drop him off at his house. Music was playing softly but we were sitting mostly in silence. “Doesn’t life seem simple to you?” he asked. “What do you mean?” I responded. He said “I have a friend who recently made a bet with a guy from the mob. He bet five thousand dollars on a game and he lost. He now owes the guy ten thousand dollars that he doesn’t have. They’ll kill him or break something if he doesn’t pay. How can you actually get yourself in that situation? Can’t you just not bet?”

 “When something like that happens, I’m usually not surprised” I answered. “Yeah I guess it’s a sickness” He returned. “Life’s a sickness” I said. “Then what’s the escape?”

“Death.”

Unstoppable

The bible makes it clear that nothing can touch us. You can't torture us. "...present sufferings are not worth comparing to our future glory..." (Romans 8:18) You can't kill us. "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. "(Phillipians 1:21) And you cant stop us. "...you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God." (Acts 5:39) Not only that, but he gives us everything we ever wanted. (He knows what we want better than we do). "He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32) I'm pretty sure I can trust Him.

Its Probably not the First Time Your Hearing This

Where do people get the illusion that they deserve things? I hear it every day. It almost seems the source of all conflict. That's one of the most important fundamentals of the Christian faith. For example, my mom might tell me to wash the dishes. I see my sister watching T.V. I wash the dishes. Later on my mom tells me to take the dog out. I say, "I washed the dishes earlier. What about her?"(pointing to my sister). Fair or not fair that I have to take the dog out? Fair. The example sounds childish, I know, but its the truth. Why, you say? Because every breath I draw, every morning I wake up, every step I take, is a gift. Whether I acknowledge it or not, I don't get anything I deserve, because I deserve hell. It's a lot better way to live I say. You don't have to be angry anymore. You don't have to keep track of what others are doing and be the judge of what they deserve and what they don't deserve. It's much easier to put that in the hands of God. You don't have to be angry at others for being angry, prideful, deceitful, or simply, cutting you off in traffic. I like to call it, a world through grace glasses.